I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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