ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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