I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
