you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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