it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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