I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
pop tarts are not kleenex
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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