Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This house was built for laser tag.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
