i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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