After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
