OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
