I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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