Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
