Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
