We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
