So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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