i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
