Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and she was petting her beer can
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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