The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
