you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
