i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
sex in a hospital.. check
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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