i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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