I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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