So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
