I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
