things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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