When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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