He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh god it's open bar.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
