Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
