I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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