Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
