NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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