he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
