I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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