I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
