Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I love you.
Bad choice
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
