i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
