If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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