I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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