hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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