i think my mom watched the whole time
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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