My sheets look like a crime scene.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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