I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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