So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
God, I missed his penis.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
