I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
