Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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