Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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