I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
