we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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