Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
