This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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