Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
