Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
