remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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