Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
