Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
