i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
