i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
